From Tammy Cedar
To
avoid hurtful memories I try not to think too much about the past, but
occasionally I find it useful to take a look in the ole rear view mirror
in order to gain a perspective on the present. So Today I am turning
around and facing something from my past head on.. nose to nose, eye to eye. Fearlessly.
Dear Autism:
Dear Autism:
From the day you made yourself known, you took my breath away..in a bad way. You crushed my dreams- my much anticipated, motherhood dreams.
A million times I have fallen to pieces, a million pieces my heart has broken into.
I could be found in any given corner, at any given time, a helpless coward..shrinking and panicked by the grip you had on me...on my first born child.
I chose to learn what it would take to pull him from your grip, I chose to fight the label put onto him. He is not a puzzle, much less a puzzle with missing pieces. Just look into his eyes, can't you see him??
Backs turned, and peers made themselves scarce as I tried to fit in and explain the world around him.
Driving blindly, with him tightly strapped in, I relied on my gut navigator to follow the paths that we were ultimately destined to cross.
The oh-so-many tears of heart break, let-downs, and disappointments slowly began to turn into tears of joy, happiness and accomplishments.
And although there is such a long way to go on this ride, I am no longer blind, nor afraid. You made me stronger, you made my motherhood memories unforgettably profound, you made me wiser.
So today Autism, I fearlessly turn to you- Eye to eye, nose to nose...and say...
This world is his...and he has chosen to live in it...not yours.
And that is all this mother can ask for to fulfill her (somewhat modified) motherhood dreams.
Sincerely,
Tammy Cedar
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